101 Things Amber Volakis Has Done to Us
by Bloody Koalas
Summary: You read it correctly--a mind boggling list of everything little CTB has done to change our lives, affect the fandom in any way, or just make for interesting television.


_EDIT: Sorry. Ignore the into directly below this because I wrote it right before the finale and…well, now it doesn't make a whole lotta sense, does it?_

**A/N: I honestly have no clue why I even wrote this…uh, happy season finale, everybody. I hope you don't all burst into tears by the ending credits like I know I will. :)**

**Disclaimer: Darn! I was the second closest bidder, but a certain David Shore from Princeton bought me out. Stupid E-bay.**

**Disclaimer # 2: Thanks to TV()com, Housewiki()fox()com, and IMDB()com for the quotes, and to TV()com for the music in the episodes.**

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_What CTB Has Done for HOUSE and It's Fandoms_

1. …She's the creator of the Angst-a-thon 2008.

2. …She may have punctured her femoral artery (LIMP!)

3. …That limp is almost destined to hurt the H/W friendship, which will of course be followed by several episodes of non-mushy make-ups.

4. …Hellooo, she's Wilson's girlfriend!

5. …Three words: Coolest. Nickname. Ever.

6. …She makes me cry for Stacy…wah!

7. …She practically invites me to wail painfully to any person that happens to be within talking/e-mailing distance.

8. …She's a smart aleck. Need I say more?

9. …She annoys the heck out of 13, which instantly makes her cool.

10. …House admires her. Case closed.

_The Cutthroat's Theme Songs_

11. …_You Can't Always Get What You Want_ by the Rolling Stones (like, the Housiest most Amberesque song of all!!)

12. …_Miss Independent_ by Kelly Clarkson

13. …_Cold As You _by Taylor Swift (Fine, maybe not Amber, but…think Wilson after she leaves…or, they break up…oh, whatever. You know it reminds you of her.)

14. …_Me Against the World_ by Simple Plan ("Daddy didn't hug me enough…didn't love me…")

15. …_Super Girl _by Saving Jane

16. …_Baby Doll Gone Wrong _by Skye Sweetnam (I was seriously, freaked, when I heard this. AMBER ALERT!)

17. …_The Best Damn Thing_ by Avril Lavigne (Yeah, yeah…but I bet you can ALL see it.)

18. …_Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ by Green Day

19. …_One Girl Revolution _by Super Chick

20. …_Numb_ by Linkin Park

_Questions CTB Makes Us Ask_

21. …Why was she on the bus that day?

22. …What was HOUSE doing with her on the bus that day?

23. …Did House think of Cuddy pole dancing because Amber had earlier?

24. …Would she really be such a CTB to cheat on her boyfriend with his best friend?

25. …How drunk does she get, and how could House manipulate that?

26. …How drunk does House get, and how could Amber manipulate that?

27. …Do she and 13 go waaay back? Where does all the burning hatred come from?

28. …Was she abused?

29. …What happened to her mother?

30. …Why couldn't she get both love and respect with anyone else? What happened in her family?

_Is She Any Different From Wives 1, 2 and 3?_

31. …She let Wilson choose the bed.

32. …Amber doesn't _want_ a doting, caring boyfriend; she wants LOVE and RESPECT.

33. …She has pretty strawberry blonde hair.

34. …She's _really_ tall.

35. …She can totally deal with House (Maybe a little too much…)

36. …She has a steady, well-paying job.

37. …She's stunningly beautiful.

38. …Cameron hates her.

39. …So does Taub.

40. …And 13…and Foreman…and Kutner—no, he's more of a 'terrified' type of guy.

_What A Bunch Of Random People Say About Her_

41. …I don't particularly like Amber. She's okay and I sort of like her interaction with Thirteen, although I like Thirteen's interaction with anyone cause she's my favorite. I think Amber and Wilson are good for each other…they kind of even out. _-Momentary-ecstasy_

42. …I think Amber with Wilson is weird; she's too much like House for him to be in love with her, but I always kind of liked the comedic element she brought to the show. Of course, now that she's dying, I'm finding I liked her more than I thought. _–Selene Antilles_

43. …I think she's cool. I like how she commands the House problem with Wilson. It's interesting how she manipulated her power over House. -_My Mom…_

44. …I used to hate her with a burning passion, but it's pretty hard to remain hateful at a person after that heck of an episode. I can't even think, I'm so excited for tonight's finale. _–Yours truly!_

45. …I think Amber is someone who has been let down a lot and is determined to make it work with someone. She is headstrong, clever, witty, and opinionated. I don't think much of her, honestly, but after last episode I seem to find that I like her a bit more than I thought; and I feel for her. _–Marie of the Bloody Koalas!_

46. …In the beginning she did a very good job of making me want to tear her hair out. That custody thing with Wilson was so unfair (House was there first, b--!) But...like I think I've said, it's hard to hate someone once you've seen them get a pole jammed through their leg. So I don't completely hate her anymore, but I'm still unsure about what to think...if she WAS trying to sabotage the boys' friendship, she's going right back in my black books. _–spncsifreak _

_Four Utterly Random Questions:_

47. …Sooo…what really did happen to her parents?

48. …Where did the attitude come from?

49. …Ever wonder what the writers' spouses think after they come up with this stuff?

50. …What happened to Stacy?? I miss her. Stupid AmberArc. Maybe CTB killed her. Maybe Mark was a payed assailant to get rid of Stacy so Amber could have House for herself.

_Theories: What Will Happen?_

51. …Theory 1: Maybe Amber is cheating on Wilson with House.

52. …Theory 2: It's not really Amber at all, maybe it's just…Amber's twin sister! Yeah!

53. …Theory 3: Maybe Cameron set up the whole bus crash thing, because that's just how evil she is.

54. …Theory 4: Gosh, what the heck did the bus crash into? An SUV? Another bus? A truck? Maybe Amber's dad was driving it, and he knew she was on it, but he hates her sooo much that he decided to go ahead and crash.

55. …Theory 5: Hmm…maybe, the WHOLE EPISODE was a figment of House's imagination. Forget the teaser, maybe he was hit somewhere else, like he fell, or a patient hit him, or Amber turned evil and SHE hit him, and he got hurt. Okay, a bit far-fetched, but…really, it's possible.

56. …Theory 6: Maybe Wilson's cheating on _her, _but he keeps looking for excuses to blame Amber, so the blame won't shift to him. Maybe he's back with one of the past wives.

57. …Theory 7: Sure, Amber might be 'deathly ill' or whatever, but MAYBE (as if I haven't used that enough today) there's another, more pressing patient who's really, really sick and is going to die, but he/she would never have been recognized if Amber wasn't in the hospital.

58. …Theory 8: This is for the future. Wouldn't it be just an _awful_ plot twist if Amber had cancer? And poor Wilson wouldn't be able to stop it…it would be malignant brain cancer and she'd die, and Wilson would be trapped in guilt, and so would House, for a reason unbeknownst to me…yet. :)

59. …Theory 9: Okay, fine. It is possible that everything is as it's supposed to be, where Amber is only in the hospital because of the bus crash. Yeah, yeah. Fine, let's go with the less creative approach.

_The Hardest Question of Them All: What Are We Going To Do Tonight?_

60. …Play football! –ahem-

61. …Watch Amber and Wilson be tragically ripped apart in some form of guilt/anger/rage/jealousy insert random adjective here!

62. …**Watch House, M.D. _Wilson's Heart_ on FOX!!**

_Yup. That's about it, folks. Remember to tip your waitresses. Good night (as if any of you are going to bed before the finale…)_

_-Hadley of the BK_

_Happy Housing!_

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**Hi again! Now it's almost what, two months after the finale? I didn't post it because…well, to be honest, I ran out of time. I rushed downstairs to watch the show and I pretty much forgot about it. So now, you lucky little readers, get to view exactly 38 more Amber-tastic bits of info. Enjoy!**

_Eighteen of the Cut-throatiest Quotes and Conversations on Earth (from whenever I feel like in season 4):_

63. …"All my life, I thought I had to choose between love and respect. And I chose respect. And with Wilson I know what it's like to have both. And that beats a fellowship." –Amber

64. …_**Amber:**_You mean it appeared normal to the doc in the ER.  
_**House:**_Way to get right back on that horse, Thirteen.  
_**Thirteen**__:_ No, that was Amber.  
_**House**__: _Nice try, Cutthroat B--. That was the worst Thirteen imitation I've ever heard.

65. …_**House**__:_ That is just great.  
_**Henry**__:_ What is?  
_**Taub**__:_ Which one of us is?  
_**House**__:_ Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other wrong. Couldn't care less about the patient, but it all works out the same.  
_**Amber**__:_ I hate Thirteen.  
_**House**__:_ Not as productively.

66. …_**Amber**__:_ Sorry I'm late.  
_**Taub**__:_ Where the hell have you been?  
_**Amber**__:_ Oh, I got lost.  
_**Kutner**__:_ Been here over three hours.  
_**Amber**__:_ …Really lost.

67. …_**Amber**__:_ What's going on?  
_**Kutner**__:_ You're the favorite.  
_**Amber**__: _House's?  
_**Kutner**__: _To get fired.

68. …_**Taub**__:_ I could hook you up.  
_**Amber**__:_ If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up.

69. …_**House**__:_ She said something idiotic again, and I didn't even notice it. Foreman had to point out it was idiotic. She's making me an idiot.  
_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ It's cute, you have a crush.  
_**House**__:_ No, I think it's something systemic.  
_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her.  
_**H**__:_ She killed a patient.  
_**W**__:_ The b-- is pretty.  
_**H**__:_ The b-- is a b--.  
_**W**__:_ Ask her out.  
_**H**__:_ The b--? She's a _**b--**_.  
_**W**__:_ No, she's the one who's making you an idiot. It's the story of life: boy meets girl. Boy gets stupid. Boy and girl live stupidly ever after.

70. …_**Amber**__:_ Pseudomonas would present as an armpit rash. Take off your shirt.  
_**House**__:_ You first.

71. …_During that fateful unveiling in the restaurant! __**House**__: _C-cutthroat b--?  
_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ Well, I call her Amber.

72. …_**Amber**__:_ Hi, Greg. And I call you Greg because we're now social equals.  
_**House**_: I call you "cutthroat" because… well, _quod erat demonstratum_. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am.

73. …_**House**__:_ _(to Wilson)_ Wait a second. This isn't just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves… oh my god. You're sleeping with me.

74. …_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ _(comparing Amber to House)_ Amber is exactly what I need and you would agree if you weren't mired in self-loathing topped with a thin crust of megalomania.  
_**House**__:_ Hey, that's my best friend's girl you're talking about.

75. …_**Dr. Cuddy**__: (about Amber)_ Are you sure she doesn't wanna just take you back to her lair, hang you upside down, and deposit her eggs in you?  
_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ Excellent disguise, House.

76. …_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ _(about House)_ I don't know how to deal with him, when he's being… reasonable.  
_**Amber**__:_ This is reasonable? This is crazy! You're not a child, you can make your own plans.  
_**Dr. Wilson**__:_ No, crazy is what House would normally do in this situation: swap your lubricant with Superglue.  
_**House**__:_ The man knows me.

77. …_**Amber**__:_ Take my deal, or get out of my apartment.  
_**House**__:_ Take my deal, or I move in.

78. …_**Dr. Wilson**__: _What are you running away from?  
_**House**__:_ When I'm drinking without you, what am I running away from? Hmmm, one of those imponderables.

79. …_**Thirteen**__:_ We should say goodbye.  
_**Taub**__:_ She didn't even like us.  
_**Kutner**__:_ We liked her.  
_**Taub**__:_ Did we?  
_**Dr. Foreman**__: _We do now.

80. …_**House:**_ I could stay here with you.  
_**Amber:**_Get off the bus!  
_**House:**_ I can't.  
_**Amber:**_Why not?  
_**House:**_Because...because it doesn't hurt here. Because I... I don't want to be in pain, I don't want to be miserable. And I don't want him to hate me.  
_**Amber:**_Well... you can't always get what you want.

_A Great Question:_

81. …Amber's medical wristband at the hospital (obviously, not while she's working as a doctor but when she was a patient) shows her admitting physician. Wanna know who it is? Dr. Eric Foreman. Now, why would he do it? Shouldn't someone else, like Cuddy or House or especially Wilson admit her? Why Foreman?

_Amber Act-a-Likes:_

82. …Gregory House, MD! (Come on, they're about as different as identical twins.)

83. …Sara Sidle, CSI: Las Vegas. I like to think that Amber shares Sara's keen ability to dig up the truth no matter how hard it will be.

84. …Jordan and Perry Cox, Scrubs. Hello, has anyone ever seen this show? You'd have to be blind, deaf, mute and unable to communicate with the whole world to miss this similarity.)

85. …Carla, Scrubs. She's the strong man in her married relationship, really the boss of them both, where as her hubbie is a softer, cares about everyone kind of guy.

_The Ultimate Songs of Her Fellowship…and Girlfriendship:_

86. …In 'The Right Stuff,' AKA the first episode where Amber shows up as a fellow, the awesome special song that plays (continually) is _Teardrop_ by Massive Attack! This is the show's theme. And the song doesn't actually show up anywhere BUT the theme, so it doesn't really count.

87. …In '97 Seconds,' playing is _Not As We_ by Alanis Morrissette

88. …In 'Guardian Angels,' _All My Life_ by DJ Harry plays.

89. …In 'Mirror, Mirror,' the White Stripes' _We're Going to Be Friends_ plays.

90. …Whoa, triple-whammy! In this episode, 'Whatever it Takes,' three songs play: _I Idolize You_ by Lizz Wright; _One Big Holiday_ by My Morning Jacket; and _What a Man_ by Linda Lyndell.

91. …In 'Ugly' two songs played: _My Home is in Your Head_ by Joseph Arthur; _Slide Away_ by The Verve

92. …'You Don't Want to Know' featured no songs other than _Teardrop._

93. …In 'Games,' several songs played. These included: _Nicotine Caffeine_ by Alan Milman Sect and Man-Ka-Zam; _Kicked Out_ by Pussy Galore; _Spirit in the Sky_ by Norman Greenbaum; an original piano composition by Hugh Laurie, and an original piano composition by Hugh Laurie.

94. …In 'It's a Wonderful Lie,' these songs were featured: _Hark the Heralds Angels Sing_ by Frank Sinatra; _Trim Your Tree_ by Jimmy Butler; _The Twelve Days of Christmas_ by Frederic Austin; _The Little Drummer Boy_ by The Fab Four; _God Rest You Merry Gentlemen_ by Roy Hargrove; _Santa Claus is Coming to Town_ by Ramsey Lewis Trio; _Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas?_ by Staples Singers.

95. …'Frozen': _Let's Get It On_ by Marvin Gaye; _Alone_ by Mungal and Nitwin Sahwney; _Human_ by Civil Twilight

96. …'Don't Ever Change': _Waiting on a Friend_ by The Rolling Stones; _Jerry Weintraub_ by Waldeck; _Nani, nani_ by Accentus Ensemble; _Niggun of the Alter Rebbe_, and _Eshet Chayil_

97. …'No More Mr. Nice Guy': _Everyday People_ by Sly and the Family Stone; _Baby I'm a Want You_ by Bread; _You Keep Me Hanging On_ by Diana Ross.

98. …'Living the Dream': _Needles in my Eyes_ by The Beta Band

99. …I'm going to skip the music for House's Head because I believe it is very untasteful; and head straight to Wilson's Heart. Here we go: _Teardrop_ preformed by Jose Gonzalez; written by Massive Attack; _Re: Stacks_ by Bon Iver; _Light for the Deadvine_ by People in Planes; _Passing Afternoon_ by Iron & Wine

_Why we Love Amber:_

100. …There is not one fan of this beautiful show that can honestly say they don't love James Wilson. And so, even if we don't particularly enjoy certain qualities of Ms. Volakis, not one of us would dare take away this sweet oncologist's love. THAT is why we love Amber—she gave Wilson his passion again, even if only for a little while. She straightened House out, and put a huge strain in the H/W relationship. Now, all that can happen is a total friend-y makeup—or a devastating failure and a ruined relationship. But lets not think about that.

101. …There wasn't a dry eye on earth the night of the finale. Enough said.

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**Thank you for reading, people. I wish you all patience for the premiere in the fall!**

**-Hadley**


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